Couples Counseling
“To love is to be happy with”
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“To love is to be happy with.”
You are not alone:
Getting along as a couple is getting harder and harder in these modern times of high expectations and stress. Most couples seek counseling because one or both of them are unhappy, unfulfilled, angry or dissatisfied.
Sadly, over the course of a relationship the many delightful reasons these two people got together in the first place have somehow either evaporated or gotten buried under the difficulties they face as they juggle the maintenance of their home life, along with work pressures and possibly the demands of a family.
Their love, passion and affection for one another may also have been comprised by conflict, boredom, bitterness, betrayal or unresolved issues around sex, work, health, parenting, finances and their families of origin.
Why a counselor?
Why choose a counselor to assist you in transforming your relationship?
Most couples sincerely WANT to resolve their issues and get back to their enjoyment of each other and the workability of their relationship, but they don’t know HOW to do this.
It is almost impossible for a couple to solve these kinds of problems alone – thank goodness there are so many resources available to help them — online, in books and workshops and by getting support from a professional expert.
I am honored to be one of the resources a couple can use to reestablish the stability, harmony and pleasure of their previous relationship.
It is always good for a couple experiencing a breakdown of any kind to have the fresh outlook of someone who can give them new tools to bring to their situation – that is my key role as a couples counselor.
What to expect:
What can you expect in terms of how a session will go?
Of course, you can always expect to be treated fairly and with respect. I have been working with couples for decades and over that time I have figured out how to successfully balance the providing of professional therapy, guidance and education with friendly, non-judgmental reassurance.
In choosing me as your counselor, you will get a combination of listener, educator, therapist, coach and challenger.
Together we will co-create a strategy for success in lifting the relationship up and out of the muck and mire in which it is bogged down.
We will find several ways in which you will need to make adjustments, as individuals and as a couple, in order to bring back hope, trust and pleasure.
Our top priority will be to find the simplest, fastest and most comfortable route to the fulfillment of your goals for a happier, more workable life as loving partners.
Learn communication skills and relational tips & techniques:
Will we learn communication skills and get tips and techniques on how to relate better?
Tips and techniques that offer better relating skills and wise ways to communicate better are great in their own way and these are readily available from many excellent resources in the forms of online courses, self-help books or podcasts.
However, the incremental changes these educational resources bring about are often not far-reaching, lasting or deep enough to have a couple regain the stable footing and mutual respect and trust they need to feel good in their relationship again.
The work that it takes to stabilize a relationship that has gotten turbulent, negative and habitually dysfunctional requires transformation -- and that is what I offer to you.
Once you have transformed the basic nature of how you relate to one another, then the skills and techniques you have learned will work every time, standing on a much more solid foundation of mutual benefit.
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Don’t you want more than anything to stop the fighting, resolve the conflict, heal the wounds of neglect and get beyond the pain?
Wouldn’t it be great to get out of that rut you two have gotten into and relight the flames of passion and love?
Can we also handle our individual emotional, psychological or behavioral problems that are negatively affecting our relationship?
Of course you can! In situations where addiction, infidelity, a mental or emotional disorder, betrayal or abuse are present in the situation, it is essential to have a therapeutic professional on your team because the problems are now quite complex – not just between the individuals, but also within one or both of the individuals.
It is the therapeutic professional’s job to bring some clarity to the tangled web of compounding difficulty the couple are experiencing; to give the couple a safe space in which to practice ways of getting free of the tangles, one step and distinction at a time.
Every adult on the planet has childhood wounds that have been carried forward into adulthood. It is clear that the breakdowns and conflicts of our adult relationships are rooted in these childhood wounds.
It is an incredibly heroic act for a couple to create the space of acceptance and kindness and trust in which these old reactions and wounds of the past can be explored and mutually addressed in a healing way.
It is true that some wounds of the past require a great deal of deep therapy in order to heal; however, many others can simply be given some loving, respectful attention in order to be laid to rest and cleanly left behind.
This is the work of personal transformation -- to stand in one’s present and witness each other in a way that you both can deal with complex issues and the past in a way that is full of mutual respect and restores mutual trust.
Now ask yourself…
Don’t you want to take your “OK” relationship and take it to the next level of having a “great partnership?”
Are you ready to complete the past, forgive each other’s transgressions and move on to the enjoyment and respect of each other you used to feel?
Would you be willing to set yourselves free from all of the pain and “should’s” as you step into a new world of co-created extraordinary well-being?
What others are saying:
“Lonnie was able to make us feel extremely comfortable and safe while we worked through some very painful times. She gave us tools that we could use on a day-to-day basis and adopt into our relationship. We have recommended Lonnie to other friends and can’t endorse her services highly enough.”
— Rebecca & Charles Sonoma, CA
“I highly recommend Lonnie to any couple caught in the many webs that tangle us and cause heartache. I was very unhappy in my own home. As she untangled our situation, we learned more about each other than we could ever have consciously shared. Lonnie was capable of showing us, with her deeply steeped knowledge of the Enneagram and Emotional Intelligence, just how our styles and history triggered the other’s security and trust issues. We were able to renegotiate our interacting and make some compassionate agreements in order to create a loving habitat.”
— Diane, Novato, CA